I am aching/buzzing to write something… or create something… or something. I want to express my feelings, but I can’t exactly think what they are. I feel tension brewing inside me. Not a bad tension, at least I don’t think so. I think it’s an exciting tension. But, really, I just don’t know. Is it because Christmas is coming? Is it because work has been less relaxed as of late? Is it because taking care of a baby is as much work as I was promised (regardless of whether or not I was capable of understanding it before now)? Who knows. Not me, that’s for sure.
I can’t wait to be home with my family.
Seven minutes to go.
Cannonball. We jumped. We’re hitting the water hard and it feels good. Done school, and after a promised job fell through, one much better has come to take its place. And two weeks in, and it just keeps getting better and better. My first paycheque came in yesterday. We can afford not only to pay our bills, but to go out and see a movie, if we want. That feels amazing. And with the job came the security of knowing we can afford to move out of our one-bedroom basement suite on the outskirts of town, into a wonderful place smack dab in the middle. And that’s not even the best part.
We are pregnant. My beautiful wife has a beautiful baby growing and dancing around inside her. I could not be more thrilled.
The last few years have been tough. Constantly surviving by the skin of our teeth. I’m so grateful to God and our friends and families for getting us through. I’m so grateful to my wife for being so strong and supportive while I’ve been studying.
My wife has started saying this recently, and it seems very true, this next chapter of our life is called Happiness.
Things are wrapping up. It’s like we’ve been climbing a hill-mountain and we’re just at the part where the steep slope starts to get shallower because we’re just about at the peak. Just gotta get through a few more months and then we’re going down hill. Things will be ramping up and the life we’ve been working towards for so long now will be starting.
I’ve really enjoyed our life together so far. It’s been fun, certainly hard at times, but over-all, enjoyable. We’ve been figuring life out. Figuring ourselves out. Getting a better sense of what we want to do and who we want to be. And now, we’re about to jump into the pool we’ve spent the last 7+ years getting set up.
“I’m so busy, my head is spinning. Like a whirlpool it never ends.”
Seriously. It’s been a few months of just going non-stop. So much continues to go on in the “outside world” but for me, for us, it seems like everything has just been in fast forward. I miss my wife. She’s around, I’m around, but between work and work and work and school, we haven’t had an awful lot of time for togetherness (or, frankly, anything at all). We used to hang out with friends weekly, if not even more frequently, and still have plenty of time to spend together. These days, “this season”, we see a friend maybe two or three times a year. But the season finally starting to feel close to over.
By this time next year, I’ll be graduated and hopefully working somewhere schooling-relevant. There will be no more assignments, papers, studies, yadda-yadda-yadda. We’ll have several evenings a week off. Rather than almost none (or, up until recently, actually none). By this time next year, I’m hoping things will start to feel more like they used to.
But what about friends? We used to hang out with friends multiple times a week, but those friends are now either divorced or have moved away, or both. Making new friends is much different as an adult, and very difficult to maintain when things are as busy as they’ve been.
Life’s happening so crazy fast. Feels like it’s just blitzing by. I’m doing my best to be “present,” to be aware of every moment, but it’s a challenge. Especially when so many of the moments are listening to endless lectures and doing meaningless assignments.
Soon. Soon things will start improving. Soon.
Getting older is peculiar.
It’s easy to think 70 or 80 years is a long time — especially when you’re younger. It would be difficult to explain the sensation, but the other day, it suddenly struck me that 80 years is almost no time at all. You can’t expect me to believe we just fart around for 80 or so years and then that’s it. Surely that can’t be it. 80 years seems like just the warm up. Phase 1. It seems like by the time you’re 80 you’re only just barely getting grips on what life is all about, what’s important. Only just getting a firm grasp on true wisdom. It’s as if, at 80, you’re just finally starting to get out of your adolescent stage.
I miss my grandparents.
When was the last time we went on a vacation? Something like two years ago, I think. When was the last time we went on a vacation by ourselves? Our honeymoon, I think. Birch Bay, Seattle, Jamaica. It was amazing.
Since then, we went to Disneyland with some people who don’t live here anymore, later to Disney World with some people who don’t live here anymore, and in between we’ve made a couple trips to Vancouver, Calgary and Edmonton, to visit people who don’t live here any more.
It seems we are long overdue for some dedicated time with each other, and no one else.
I hope it can happen soon… thought I don’t know how it will.
So much of life is so very expensive. And you’re finally actually getting started in your career, so it’s hard to take time out of that. And school for me shows no signs of letting up.
Life’s crazy. We’re crazy (in the best way).
My stomach hurts.