Happiness

Cannonball. We jumped. We’re hitting the water hard and it feels good. Done school, and after a promised job fell through, one much better has come to take its place. And two weeks in, and it just keeps getting better and better. My first paycheque came in yesterday. We can afford not only to pay our bills, but to go out and see a movie, if we want. That feels amazing. And with the job came the security of knowing we can afford to move out of our one-bedroom basement suite on the outskirts of town, into a wonderful place smack dab in the middle. And that’s not even the best part.

We are pregnant. My beautiful wife has a beautiful baby growing and dancing around inside her. I could not be more thrilled.

The last few years have been tough. Constantly surviving by the skin of our teeth. I’m so grateful to God and our friends and families for getting us through. I’m so grateful to my wife for being so strong and supportive while I’ve been studying.

My wife has started saying this recently, and it seems very true, this next chapter of our life is called Happiness.

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Cannonball

Things are wrapping up. It’s like we’ve been climbing a hill-mountain and we’re just at the part where the steep slope starts to get shallower because we’re just about at the peak. Just gotta get through a few more months and then we’re going down hill. Things will be ramping up and the life we’ve been working towards for so long now will be starting.

I’ve really enjoyed our life together so far. It’s been fun, certainly hard at times, but over-all, enjoyable. We’ve been figuring life out. Figuring ourselves out. Getting a better sense of what we want to do and who we want to be. And now, we’re about to jump into the pool we’ve spent the last 7+ years getting set up.

Cannonball

Busy

“I’m so busy, my head is spinning. Like a whirlpool it never ends.”

Seriously. It’s been a few months of just going non-stop. So much continues to go on in the “outside world” but for me, for us, it seems like everything has just been in fast forward. I miss my wife. She’s around, I’m around, but between work and work and work and school, we haven’t had an awful lot of time for togetherness (or, frankly, anything at all). We used to hang out with friends weekly, if not even more frequently, and still have plenty of time to spend together. These days, “this season”, we see a friend maybe two or three times a year. But the season finally starting to feel close to over.

By this time next year, I’ll be graduated and hopefully working somewhere schooling-relevant. There will be no more assignments, papers, studies, yadda-yadda-yadda. We’ll have several evenings a week off. Rather than almost none (or, up until recently, actually none). By this time next year, I’m hoping things will start to feel more like they used to.

But what about friends? We used to hang out with friends multiple times a week, but those friends are now either divorced or have moved away, or both. Making new friends is much different as an adult, and very difficult to maintain when things are as busy as they’ve been.

Life’s happening so crazy fast. Feels like it’s just blitzing by. I’m doing my best to be “present,” to be aware of every moment, but it’s a challenge. Especially when so many of the moments are listening to endless lectures and doing meaningless assignments.

Bleh.

Soon. Soon things will start improving. Soon.

Old

Getting older is peculiar.

It’s easy to think 70 or 80 years is a long time — especially when you’re younger. It would be difficult to explain the sensation, but the other day, it suddenly struck me that 80 years is almost no time at all. You can’t expect me to believe we just fart around for 80 or so years and then that’s it. Surely that can’t be it. 80 years seems like just the warm up. Phase 1. It seems like by the time you’re 80 you’re only just barely getting grips on what life is all about, what’s important. Only just getting a firm grasp on true wisdom. It’s as if, at 80, you’re just finally starting to get out of your adolescent stage.

I miss my grandparents.

Vacation

When was the last time we went on a vacation? Something like two years ago, I think. When was the last time we went on a vacation by ourselves? Our honeymoon, I think. Birch Bay, Seattle, Jamaica. It was amazing.

Since then, we went to Disneyland with some people who don’t live here anymore, later to Disney World with some people who don’t live here anymore, and in between we’ve made a couple trips to Vancouver, Calgary and Edmonton, to visit people who don’t live here any more.

It seems we are long overdue for some dedicated time with each other, and no one else.

I hope it can happen soon… thought I don’t know how it will.

So much of life is so very expensive. And you’re finally actually getting started in your career, so it’s hard to take time out of that. And school for me shows no signs of letting up.

Life’s crazy. We’re crazy (in the best way).

My stomach hurts.

Perfect

Nothing is perfect
Not ever
Never
Yet, here you are
Could it be
That I am living in a fantasy
Or could it be
That you with me
Is the reality
Of all the world’s hopes and dreams
For something thought never to be seen
For two people joined in unity
Perfectly

Is Everything Slightly Off?

Does life feel out-of-whack at the moment? I miss you babe. You went to Vegas for four days. I missed you a lot. You came back and have been very tired and sick for the last four days. It’s very nice to have you back, but I can’t wait until you’re not just back but feeling better, like your usual self. I can’t wait to just be having fun together again. I hope you feel much better really soon. I love you, sweetie. I love you with my whole entire heart! All of it! Life’s been a little weird lately, hey? Nothing overly bad has been happening. Obviously money’s tight, but is that all that has been making things feel weird? Maybe. Maybe worrying about buying groceries and gas and paying rent, not to mention all our other fabulous bills and stuff, maybe that’s just been straining/stressful enough to make everything else feel off. Overly tight budget… and tight living quarters perhaps. Maybe we should be taking more walks — at least once you’re feeling better. Maybe just some good ol’ fashion wide open nature will help the rest of life feel better. I don’t know, but it could be worth a shot. Get out of our tiny place, out of anywhere that so heavily relies on money to do anything or get through anything, and just walk and talk and hang out and stuff. Maybe we should just sell all/most of our stuff, box up the rest in your brother’s garage, and move to the woods… but somewhere that we can get to and from with our car. Bleh. I am really starting to care less and less about where we have to go or what we have to do to get through this portion of life, just as long as I get to be with you wherever it is, whatever we’re doing. I truly love you with every little bit of me. You make me the happiest. I hope you feel better soon.